Let me start off by saying that … I cannot believe I am finally writing this post! Actually, let me rephrase – I cannot believe my son has officially been weaned for two weeks now. He doesn’t breastfeed at all, not even once, not even for a second. …WHAT?! If you asked me just a short couple months ago, I would have said weaning is nearly impossible. YES, that’s how hopeless I was.
But what’s important is we got here and I can’t wait to share how we did it!
Our Breastfeeding Journey
Before I get into how I managed to wean my two-year-old from breastfeeding, I wanted to explain what our breastfeeding journey has been like since he was born. I think this is important because it’ll give you a little background on what type of breastfeeder he was, how often he breastfed, etc.
My son has been exclusively breastfed since he was born up until he was weaned. This means I never pumped, bottle fed, or formula fed. I also never gave him a pacifier and so he’s never had experience with any type of foreign nipple.
As a first time mother, I didn’t know much about breastfeeding other than the fact that I wanted to do it. Thankfully, I didn’t have many issues with it. When my son was born, he was a natural. He latched quickly and easily and never had trouble feeding. I experienced normal mild pains and was a bit emotional when we first started but that’s about it.
Since I was a first-time mom, I relied heavily on breastfeeding to comfort my son during many different situations. He breastfed if he was hungry but he also breastfed if he was sleepy, bored, or even hurt. I never learned any other way to comfort him as a baby, infant, or toddler. He quickly learned that if he was experiencing any discomfort, breastfeeding would be the answer.
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His Sleep Patterns
Another area I would like to quickly talk about is his sleep and how it been throughout the first couple of years. My son and I have been bed-sharing since he was a month old. Up until this very day, he sleeps right beside me every night (he’s 2 years old now). During this time, anytime he woke up at night and wanted to breastfeed, he would just roll over and start doing so. Since breastfeeding was easy to access during the night, this made our weaning process much more challenging.
During the years, I had also accidentally created an association between sleep and breastfeeding. My son did not know how to fall asleep without breastfeeding since that’s what he did for the first couple of years of his life. If he woke up during the middle of the night (which he did – a lot) the only way he would fall back asleep is if he rolled over and breastfed. (This happened about 5 times a night on average).
Expect to be Emotional
Lastly, before I get into the steps I took to wean my toddler, I wanted to mention that you should expect to get emotional at some point during this process. This is important for me to point out because I did not expect this and I wish I had. I had been ready to have my toddler weaned for months, so why would I ever feel emotional about it? Wellllllll… because this has been our way of bonding since the day he was born. This was what comfort meant to him. I was his comfort.
We were about to change the way we bonded. For good. There was no going back once he was weaned. And as much as I was ready to let our breastfeeding journey end, it still made me very emotional. Some nights I even stayed up crying and doubting my decision of wanting to wean him. I wondered if I was doing the right thing for both of us. I was afraid I would be hurting him with any strategy I would try. Throughout the process, I gave in many times (which is okay) just because subconsciously I was afraid of letting our journey end.
Now that I painted a clear picture on what type of breastfeeding baby he was, how attached he was to it, and his sleep patterns, I’ll get into the steps I took to gently wean my toddler.
Start Early
One of the most important factors, when it came to weaning my son, was to make sure it was as gentle as possible on both of us. I knew that this was a big change in both of our lives since we have been bonding this way since he was born, so I didn’t want this process nor change to cause him any discomfort.
I had known that if I were to wean him as gently as possible, I had to start early. My goal was to have him weaned by or around the age of two so I started the weaning process when he was a year and a half. He had been eating a good amount of solid foods during the day and I had introduced whole milk so I knew this was a good age to start.
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Get Help from a Family Member
Weaning wasn’t easy on both my son and I. During the nights I felt very overwhelmed or emotional, I asked my husband to step in and take over. My husband was the perfect person to help with this process because my son found complete comfort with him. He also comforted me during the times I wasn’t feeling well.
It also helped to have my husband change the routine and introduce new ways for bedtime or nap time. My husband took over many nights and has taught my son to fall asleep with him as well. This was a huge step in getting my son completely weaned and not have him depend fully on me for comfort or sleep.
Don’t Offer, Don’t Refuse
[18 months] My first step to weaning my son was not offering him breastmilk (like I had been previously) but also not refusing if he showed a desire to feed. In the beginning, I didn’t feel like this method was working well because he was asking to breastfeed every hour or so. However, with time and as he grew, he asked to breastfeed less often.
Distract and Change Schedule
[20 months] The next step I took was trying to distract him. I tried to take him out for long stretches at a time in order to have him forget about breastfeeding. I also brought a lot of healthy drinks and snacks on our outings so I can make sure he didn’t feel hungry at any point. (Any time he felt a slight bit of hunger, he would resort to asking to breastfeed which is what I was trying to avoid).
However, every time we arrived home after our outings, he would remember he hasn’t breastfed in a long time and demand breastfeeding. No matter how much food I provided, home indicated breastfeeding to him so this step wasn’t going to completely get him weaned.
Shorten and Lessen the Number of Feedings
[22 months] The first couple of steps helped lessen the number of times he breastfed during the day (which was a hopeful start). I then tried to lessen the amount of time he spent during each feed. After consistently doing these steps for about three months, I was able to get to a point where he only fed once during the day for his nap – that’s all. However, getting him to nap or sleep for bedtime was by far my biggest challenge with weaning and that was the next step I was going to conquer.
Eliminate Breastfeeding during Bedtime
[24 months] I know this isn’t going to be a step for every breastfeeding mom. Many moms have found methods to put their toddlers to sleep by other than breastfeeding. However, this wasn’t the case for us. I had never taught my son to sleep any other way and at this age, he was able to demand to breastfeed whenever he wanted (especially when he was sleepy).
I knew teaching him to sleep without breastfeeding would also help him fall back asleep on his own when he woke up during the night so this was a crucial step. (He was still waking up about 5-8 times during the night and early morning).
Every time my son went to bed during bedtime, he would ask me to breastfeed him right away. The first couple of times I would completely refuse and try to use different methods to put him to sleep such as rocking or singing. However, once he realized I was refusing to breastfeed him completely, he would get very upset and cry uncontrollably. I quickly knew this wasn’t the right way because he was feeling discomfort – something I was trying to avoid.
The next strategy I tried during bedtime was if he asked to breastfeed, I would allow him to do so for a few minutes. After he finished, I would rock him to sleep while he was still awake. This was the start of teaching him to connect sleep with other comforting methods.
As time went by I would lessen the amount of time he spent breastfeeding at bedtime until he completely stopped. This process took a few weeks but he was starting to understand that he didn’t need to breastfeed to sleep.
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Eliminate Night Time Feedings
[25 months] After I had successfully decreased day time feedings to only his nap and taught him to sleep without breastfeeding, I knew it was time to move to completely eliminating nighttime feedings. This wasn’t easy for me but I knew it was the next step.
Even though at this point he was falling asleep without breastfeeding, he still was waking up multiple times a night to feed. I started off by allowing him to feed for up to a minute and then telling him “all done”. Once he realized I said all done, he would let go and turn over and fall asleep. This lasted for a few weeks.
By now he had noticed he shouldn’t be feeding much during the night and was waking up less. However, he was still waking up. I started to bring him in close to me to cuddle instead of offering him some breastmilk. The first few nights I tried this, he protested for about a minute before falling back asleep.
After about the third night, he understood that if he were to wake up, he could fall back asleep by cuddling with me. And that’s how his night time feedings were eliminated. He started to finally sleep through the night with zero breastmilk.
Tip: Also, when you’re trying to eliminate bedtime feedings, make sure they’re eating enough calories throughout the day. If they feel a little bit of hunger, they will resort to asking for breastmilk which will make the process harder (I learned this through experience).
Eliminate Nap Time feeding
[26 months] Nap time feeding was the last one to go. I always feared how I would put him to sleep during the day. However, once I successfully weaned him from nighttime feedings, eliminating nap time feedings was easier than I had thought.
I treated nap time like it was bedtime. I closed all the blinds in the bedroom, turned on the same lullabies I use for the night, and rocked my son in the rocking chair (which is what we were doing during the nights).
If he asked to breastfeed, I would allow him to for up to a minute before starting the nap time routine mentioned above. This helped him to not get angry and cry before his nap. After about a few weeks of starting a new naptime routine similar to his bedtime one, he started accepting that he won’t be breastfeeding to nap anymore.
And that’s it! Those are the steps I took to wean my toddler. It was hard. Some days were harder than others. But we got through it as gently and easily as we could. We have formed new ways to bond with each other. Ways that I never had imagined existed beyond breastfeeding. We’ve both reached this milestone together and have grown from it. It has already become a memory for me but it will be a memory I will always look back at and cherish. And for that, I am thankful.
Sincerely,
Mama Malak
3 comments
This is really helpful, I’m currently trying to wean my very strong willed daughter as gently as possible. She’s 23 months and feeds like a newborn
I’m glad you found this helpful! My son was very strong willed as well and trying to wean him gently was tough. Hang in there mama, you’re doing great! If you have any specific questions, let me know!
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