It’s Saturday, March 16 – 12:50 a.m. I am sitting here still trying to process the fact I just found out … I am pregnant. again. with my second baby. WHAT?! I am feeling very emotional, very overwhelmed, and very excited.
I hadn’t planned on taking a pregnancy test nor did I think I was pregnant. The last time I had even purchased one was when I was trying to get pregnant with my first son. But about a week ago I was cleaning out our medicine cabinet out and noticed we had a pregnancy test stored in there. I looked at it and thought, oh, it’s good to know I have one for when the time comes. I didn’t think the time would come a week later.
Why I took the pregnancy test
For the past few days, I’ve been feeling very emotional. I’ve been crying at random times for reasons that are very small. My patience has been very low and my mom guilt has been at an all-time high. The last two days I have been feeling extreme anxiety that has been causing my chest to feel very tight. I noticed I hadn’t been feeling myself.
Today, in particular, has been my roughest day. My anxiety level was higher than I’ve felt it has been in years. The smallest things that haven’t gone my way today have really bothered me. I’ve been feeling like I want to be alone and away from my family – which isn’t usually the way I feel or act.
Before going to bed, I remembered the pregnancy test I had found in the cabinet a few days earlier. I told myself since I haven’t been feeling well, I should take the test – even though I was 100% convinced it would turn out negative. But I thought, why not? It can’t hurt. I was also at the time of the month where if I were pregnant, the test would be able to detect it so I thought this would be a good time.
Since I haven’t taken a pregnancy test, I forgot how they work. The test I had particularly didn’t come with any instructions – I used the OVU pregnancy test which isn’t a regular one most women use or purchase – but it was the one I had in the house.
I took the test and waited for a minute. It appeared negative. I walked away cleaning the bathroom thinking I knew it’d be negative and going about my night. A minute later, as I was going to grab the test to throw in the garbage, I noticed a faint red line. I had forgotten that this particular test needed 3 minutes to show a result. I looked at the red line in shock.
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Was I pregnant?!
As I was staring at it, the line kept getting darker and darker. Could it be? Was I really pregnant? As I was looking at it, I remembered that a horizontal red line meant that the test was positive no matter how faint it appeared. I quickly grabbed my phone and searched “results of OVU test” because I wanted to confirm that what I was seeing was positive. And it was. It was 12:20 a.m. and I had just found out I was pregnant for the second time.
Naturally, I would run up and wake up my husband to inform him of the news. But I didn’t. For my second pregnancy, I always knew I wanted to surprise my husband the same way I surprised him the first time – with a customized chocolate text box. He loves surprises so I thought this would be the perfect way to share the exciting news with him.
I ordered his custom chocolate text box with a sweet message that says “You are going to be a dad again to baby #2!”. My son will also be wearing a shirt that says “I am going to be a big brother shirt” to go with the surprise. My husband won’t be expecting the news, just like I wasn’t. But he’ll be ecstatic. And I’ll want to make a memory out of that moment just like I did the first time. Since it’s another exciting time for our family.
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The app that I’m using is indicating that I’m already 3 weeks and 3 days pregnant. It says my due date will be on November 27, 2019. I don’t know how accurate this is but it’s a start to learning more about this pregnancy.
I will probably take another pregnancy test before sharing the news with my husband and family just to make sure the first one was accurate.
But I probably won’t be sharing this post anytime soon. I don’t like to share the news of my pregnancy with the public until I’m past the three months mark (when the chance of a miscarriage drops significantly).
Even though I won’t be sharing this post or the news with everyone for a few weeks, I wanted to come on here and write this post while my feelings are fresh. I want you all to share this beautiful journey with me.
I want to share this news with everyone I know, at this exact moment. But I can’t. But talking to you all through this post (even if you all won’t read it for another few weeks or so) has made me feel like I’ve shared my happy news with someone.
To My Baby Boy
It’s 1:31 a.m. and I can’t sleep because of my excitement. I just nursed you back to sleep. As I lay here staring at you, I can’t believe what a little boy you’ve grown into.
You’ll be turning two in a few weeks. You have grown into the sweetest, kindest, funniest, most loving and caring little boy. I am emotional writing this – but our time as you being my only child will soon come to an end. In a few months, you’ll become a big brother. You’ll be the sweetest big brother in the world. You’ll love your sister or brother and take care of them with all your heart. And you’ll hug them, tickle them, and play with them. You’ll become best friends with them.
But before then, I want to make you a promise.
I promise to give you all the attention you’ll ever need. To still spend time with you the way I do now. To play with you, to chase you and to take you out to your favorite places. I promise to always dance with you and color with you. To always teach you and to hold you. I promise to always cuddle with you and sleep next to you and I promise to give you all the love I can.
I love you my baby boy and I am so proud of you and can’t wait to see how amazing of a brother you’ll be.