One of my biggest challenges to date is the fact my child refuses to listen. Although he is still a toddler, he understands most of my instructions yet decides not to listen to them. For example, I’ll ask him multiple times to stop throwing his food off his high chair table on to the floor – what does he usually do? He doesn’t listen. He continues throwing the food until I get up and remove them off his table. Does this sound familiar? I’m sure it does.
Now let’s talk about why toddlers behave the way they do. When you start understanding the why, it helps you become patient and empathetic towards them which is key in learning how to deal with some of their challenging behaviors.
The toddler years are a time of immense growth and development in all areas – physical, cognitive, and language. Along with this rapid growth comes an increased desire for independence, yet the executive function and social-emotional skills necessary for delayed impulse control, positive social interactions, and understanding choices and consequences are still maturing.
Simply put,
- Toddlers are realizing that they are separate individuals from their parents and caregivers.
- At the same time, toddlers do not understand logic and still have a hard time with waiting and self-control.
- They are still new to learning how to deal with complex emotions
After researching toddler behavior for a few months now and changing the way I communicate with my son, I’ve noticed huge changes with the way he was responding to what I told him.
Below are tips to use for when your child refuses to listen to you. These tips will help change the way they listen and behave when speaking with others.
Be empathetic
Being empathetic towards your child, no matter what the situation may be, is one of the most important factors in getting them to listen to you in the future. When children feel like you’re there for them through their big and smaller problems, they learn to build trust with you and will eventually start to connect and listen to you more.
Listen
Listening goes hand in hand with being empathetic. When you show your child you’re listening to them, you show them that you care. Every person likes to feel heard and validated and children are no different. By listening to your child, you encourage open communication and teach them to do the same since you’re leading by example.
Tips on how to actively listen to children
- Bend down to the child’s level
- Look them into the eyes and form a connection while listening
- Allow them to speak, explain their feelings, and share their opinions without interrupting them
- Use body language, verbal and non-verbal feedback to show you are paying attention (ex: smiling and eye contact)
- Paraphrase when needed, ask questions, and use positive language when responding back
Use a Calm Voice
Using a calm voice is key in making sure your child is listening to you and not shutting you out. Often times, when parents yell, their message is lost since their emotions tend to take over. Children may also react to a louder voice with either verbal or physical aggression, which does not solve any situation and teaches them bad habits.
Even when you are using a calm voice, you can speak firmly and confidently to allow the child to know you are in charge. By remaining calm, the environment remains positive and the child is more likely to listen and engage positively with you.
Teach them about their Emotions
Start teaching your child to identify their emotions from a very young age. Even before they are able to speak, communicate to them how they’re feeling constantly. As they grow, this will allow them to be able to better identify their own emotions and accurately express them to others.
It will also allow them to become confident in openly communicating these feelings with others. When a child is able to communicate better, they will be able to listen better which is why this point is key is getting them to listen to you.
Notice and reinforce good behavior
Lastly, notice and reinforce good behavior. As much as you try to get your child to listen to you, there will be times where they don’t. Children experience a lot of big emotions that they don’t always know how to deal with and may react to these feelings negatively.
Younger children such as toddlers may have tantrums, while older children may scream and cry over your voice. Teenagers and young adults may simply daydream while you’re speaking or simply ignore you.
This is why reinforcing good behavior as a child grows is vital in teaching them to listen. This allows a child to know that when they listen and engage in a positive conversation, it is noticed and appreciated. They will start to value this skill since its being acknowledged and appreciated. Finally, it will lead to encouraging them to practice the skill of listening and to practice communicating better with others.
These are a few tips I’ve been using with my toddler that I feel have helped us immensely. I hope they help you and your little one as well.
Sincerely,
Malak Malak
3 comments
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I needed to thank you for this excellent read!! I absolutely loved every little bit of it.
I’ve got you book-marked to look at new things you post…
Thank you for reading! I’m glad you enjoyed and appreciate your positive feedback!!