So let me start off by telling you something very obvious – Marriage after a baby is not the same. Now although this is quite obvious to a lot of people, this was something I didn’t actually think about before having a baby. It kind of just slipped my mind – you know what I mean?
I was so busy focusing on getting pregnant, being pregnant, and fantasizing about having a new baby added to our family that I didn’t think about how becoming parents will affect the relationship my husband and I shared.
I didn’t think about how we would have to quickly adjust to being caretakers – not just of each other – but to a little human that’s totally dependent on us! A baby that we would have so many emotions and feelings attached to – that we would care for so deeply.
Marriage Life Before Having a Baby
Before having a baby, a lot of attention was focused on each other. We would literally spend every minute of our free time together. We had each other to care for – no one else. Also, We would cater to each others’ needs in any way possible and made each other feel happy and comfortable at all times as well as had time for each other. We were spontaneous. Even, we would plan to watch an 11:00 movie at 10:30 pm and burst out the door to make it in time for the theatres.
Moreover, we would spend hours into the night watching television while snacking, forgetting about how late it was or about any of our responsibilities the next day. We would travel and explore surrounding cities when we had a few days off. This is a small glimpse of my marriage life before a baby, I can go on and on, but my point simply is, we were free.
Marriage Life After a Baby
Marriage after a baby changed drastically. It wasn’t just the two of us anymore – there was someone else; there was this little baby that needed every ounce of attention from both my husband and I. A little baby that had his own schedule and his own needs. A baby that we needed to start learning about. A baby that would suck every little bit of energy from the both of us (trust me!).
The first few months of becoming a mother I had a hard time adjusting to the lack of freedom.
- I often complained I missed my old and spontaneous life.
- Moreover, I often felt trapped and questioned why I couldn’t do things the way I used to.
- I remember complaining that I missed my husband and actually cried over it numerous times.
- He took a few weeks off when I first gave birth and spent it with my newborn and I.
- He was by our side the whole time, yet I felt like I missed him and wasn’t connecting with him the way I used to.
- We were so busy taking care of our newborn that we didn’t have time to take care of each other and I missed that so much.
It wasn’t until I realized that this was my new life that things changed. I wasn’t getting my old life back and neither did I want it back – I loved being a mom and holding my baby in my arms meant the world to me. I just had to learn to adapt and find new ways of doing things with my husband – I had to learn to make time for him; something I wasn’t used to. Marriage after a baby was a complete transition. It was a transition into a new way of life.
Below I’m going to list 5 tips for marriage after a baby that helped me! I hope these tips help anyone embarking on the new journey into parenthood!
Know that things will NOT be the same and be okay with it
This is my number one tip because, once I realized this point – it was a total game changer. A few months into my new title as a “mom”, I realized that just because my husband and I don’t do things the way we used to (ex: bond over a movie, spontaneous outings, or spend as much time with each other) doesn’t mean we can’t find new ways to bond and spend time together.
We used to spend time together lounging and watching movies; now as parents, since we don’t have time to watch movies, we bond over cooking together or taking our son out for a walk. We even bond over watching my husband cut the grass (since this has become one of my sons favorite things to do recently!) I now appreciate anyway we can be together, even if its while we’re completing chores around the house or making food for our baby!
Things will not be the same but be assured you will find new ways to make yourself and your spouse happy.
Be patient and understanding with each other
Becoming a parent is hard for both mom and dad. You are now both responsible for taking care of a baby all day long. Naturally, with added stress and responsibility, both of you will show signs of stress from time to time and act out on it. If you feel like your partner isn’t acting like their usual self- give them a break for a little while and be patient with them. Let them cool off and then try talking to them again. Let them know that you’re always there for them and that you understand they might be under a little more pressure. Being a little more patient and understanding with each other will go a long way in helping you maintain a healthy and successful marriage in the long run.
Try to show each other you still care … even if it’s in a different way
This is one of the most important tips in my opinion. Just because you both now have the title of mom and dad doesn’t mean you each don’t have your own individual needs. To feel cared for by your spouse is extremely important in a marriage. Try to find new ways to show each other you care about one another. Many days, my husband would wake up early with my baby and take care of him while I got a couple hours of extra sleep. When I would wake up and realize this, it would mean the world to me!
Always acknowledge your partners effort by verbally letting them know
As many experts state, communication is a huge player in the success of a marriage. After having a baby, the amount of work and responsibilities can pile up real quick. It’s nice to verbally hear that your work and efforts are seen and appreciated by your spouse. I always let my husband know I appreciate all of his hard work. I also appreciate when he helps out with everything he does. He also always acknowledges my work and lets me know he notices everything I do. It makes a world of a difference when I feel appreciated by him.
Don’t forget to ask about each other’s day and show interest in your partners personal life
Lastly, it’s important to remember your spouse is their own person too – other than being a parent. From time to time, step back from talking about all your responsibilities. Talk about your new baby and ask about each other. I often ask my husband about his work and take interest in some of the things he’s interested in. For example, when he’s excited about a certain soccer tournament he’s watching, I’ll sit by him and take interest in that and bond with him over it. Don’t forget you both have things going on in your personal lives too besides parenthood. It’s healthy to ask and talk about it.
I am in no way, shape, or form a marriage counsellor. However, these are tips from my personal experience that helped immensely. I would love to know some of your tips in the comment section below!
Sincerely, Mama Malak
8 comments
Love this post! Im a new mom of 3 months although I do still feel like I just gave birth. It has been a crazy transition for me and I did not think about all the things that would change after a baby. I could use all the recommendations I can get! Keep the posts coming they are a big help.
I know! Everyone told me how much my life would change yet I didn’t actually think it would this drastically!! Im sure your transition will get easier with time – just give it some time. I’m glad you found some useful information here! Thanks for reading❤️
I’m so proud of the woman you have become malak? Knowing you since your were five and seeing you now as a wife and a mother brings me joy. As a wife for 16 years and a mom for 15 I can tell you for sure your tips are the way to go .. it’s so important to communicate with each other to appreciate each other and to understand each other’s responsibility I’m the marriage. It’s also important to plan your kids life don’t let them rule your life,, make the plans and routine by doing that u get time for both of you, my kids use to be washed and fed and I’m bed by 7 pm and that how we get time to watch a movie or just sit and cuddle.. and one more tip I’ll add for more but don’t want to overwhelm the blog hahah !! Another tip I know it’s hard to ask for help if you need it but trust me fAmily love the opportunity to babysit !!! They dream of it make once a week date night let family come for 2 hours have the baby and go out doesn’t have to be something big or expensive but coffee ☕️ or dinner .. we use to take coffee and sit by the river front and we sit sometimes with out saying a word we appreciated the quite !
I hope my tips helps too
And so proud of you mama malak love you baby girl
Hope to see you soon
Thank you Fatme! I truly appreciate your comments! You’ve always been sweet with a big heart! Loved growing up knowing you – you are a perfect example of a beautiful marriage and beautiful children! I also love your tips – I need to learn to give myself time without my baby even if it’s for a couple hours. Don’t worry about the length of your comment, write as much as you want, I love reading it all! Thanks so much for reading and supporting my blog! I truly appreciate it❤️
Amazing blog post Malak! Like with any new milestone in life, I love listening to other people’s experiences especially when I haven’t gotten to that stage yet! Love the insight you’re providing! Keep it coming 😍! Xo
Thank you so much for the comment Khadija! I agree, we can all learn from each other. I love to learn from other peoples experiences as well. Thanks for reading and supporting – I truly appreciate it!
All the above mentioned tips are so important. We often unknowingly neglect our marriage once the baby comes, as he or she needs all our attention, but everyone needs everyone in family. Love is marriage is crucial.
I agree! Marriage needs its own attention and its always good to be conscious about giving it importance and time, even when things get tough! Thanks so much for stopping by! xox